So, I've discovered virtual worlds, via Inworldz.  I followed a mention made by one member of a MeetUp.Com group I participate in, to a group that does some spiritual stuff virtually.  It's an interesting concept, raising (and storing!) spiritual energy via the internet.  I know it's not a new idea, but it's a new experience for me.

I've been exploring their particular area, which is lovely.  It feels like Myst and/or Wild Divine, only with a fairie / fantasy slant.  My machine is really a bit slow for all of the graphics, so occasionally weird stuff happens.  Weird is harmless, though.

I actually completely spaced on the Recovery, Inc. meeting this past Monday.  I did my afternoon stuff, made dinner, hung out with those guys and, voila'!  Along about 10pm, I remembered.  D'oh!  I'll try again this next Monday.

I'd like to learn how to disconnect my "Take Things Personally" button.  So many things are not about me, they just sort of happen nearby, and I get so upset.  I don't want to Not Care, that feels wrong, but I'd like to not always be reacting as if someone is being deliberately nasty to me.

Reality vs. Delusions

I had an interesting thought yesterday.  To explain, here's a summation of the circumstances.

I thought I had some friends.  It turned out that I was wrong, I had some acquaintances.  Much of my, "I want to go home" stuff is because I'm lonely.  However, I'd still be lonely even if I went back to my previous city, because I've learned that I was delusional in the friend/acquaintance department.  So, much of my distress is not about location, it's about reality vs. delusional thinking.

See, I was happy, because I was delusional.  Now I'm less delusional, and I'm unhappy about it.  This delusion was all in my head, it was how I was thinking, not fact, that kept me content.  So, without becoming delusional again, what/how can I think to become more content in my new circumstances?

Rude People

I'm just sick to death of aspies.  I'm tired of always having to understand and not let my feelings get bruised when they are thoughtless and rude.  Which is apparently all the ever loving time.  I don't care that these particular aspies are my husband and children.  I just don't like them today.  I'd really like a different life, please.

And, because of my over developed responsibility gland, I won't leave them, even if they deserve it.  Not yet anyway.  Is there a difference between co-dependency and being overly responsible?

Crabby.  Sore.  Angry.  Lonely.

Pfui.

Debt Makes My Teeth Itch

There has been a small financial windfall at our house.  A retention bonus for that man from his employer.  (that he's worked at since all of October, yay!)

So we're in discussions as how to best use that money.  We accumulated too much debt after moving.  It's been worse in the past and I've paid it down, I don't see any reason to let it get that bad again.  And in this economy, I like it even less.

Now, I'm temperamentally allergic to debt.  My upbringing made me hate and fear any sort of debt.  It's a big piece of why I did not continue in college.  I couldn't pay for it without taking out loans, which I refused to do.  I was too scared of owing money.  I realized, years later, that it was a bone head decision.  But, what are you gonna' do?  Onward.

Anyhow, so that man does not worry about debt like I do.  He says it's unsecured and they can't do anything to us over it if anything horrible happens.  And, if something horrible happens, yes, we probably will lose the house.  The bank owns it anyway.  But debt still makes my teeth itch.

Outside of debt reduction, it's a new house.  It needs all sorts of things that could soak up this little bit of extra money 10 or 20 times over.   New oven, new stove, flooring in the living room, a furnace would be nice, new windows in the living room, a fence that actually keeps the dog in the yard, landscaping, omg landscaping.

So, instead of cleaning house, which was part of todays plan, we're going to Ikea.  I promised the boys new dressers well over a year ago.  Our compromise seems to be neither house things nor debt reduction but economic stimulation.  How did *that* happen?

Surgery Update

Went and saw the surgeon.  Everything is apparently fine.  There is a small pink & white knobby thing in my belly button, that he wants me to hot compress, but that's it.

All my questions got put out of my head when he told me that the fibroid had had an infarction.  (a heart attack, essentially)  It had lost its blood supply and was dead or dying.  I asked him if that meant if we'd left it all there, would things would have gotten better?  He said no, that it would have gotten all necrotic and rotten and deader and yuckier.  Ick.

We're having a False Spring right now.  It's sunny during the day, and gets near to 60 degrees F.  Apparently, the cold and rains and muck will come back in awhile and last through April-ish.  So, I keep opening the windows of the house, to air things out a bit.  And right now (early afternoon), I want to close the windows of my bedroom, wrap up in a quilt and go to sleep, leaving the rest of the house to be chilly.

I have mixed stuff going on.  Much of it is boredom.  I'm tired of my kids, I'm tired of my marriage, I'm just damn bored.  I realize that this probably means I'm boring to others as well, but, there you go.

This therapist lady I'm seeing is not overly useful or insightful yet.  Everything she says is so trite.  Maybe I've had enough talk therapy in my life?  I know what the answers are, I just don't like them, or I refuse to do some of them, because of the consequences.  I think she tried to fire me yesterday, asking if I wanted another session.  I'll use the two sessions I have already paid for, and then maybe I'll make another choice.

Somewhere else in blog-land, I found a reference to this:

http://www.recovery-inc.com/index.asp

It looks interesting, I'm going to be trying to contact them today and see about attending one of their meetings.

Blah

Nothing much to report.  Some gloominess is setting in, I am hoping it's just boredom.