Better Living Through Chemistry

I gave up and gave in.  I went and asked for, and got, anti-depressants.  I got them from my nice internist, and have an appointment in A MONTH to see a prescribing psychiatrist.

Now, I hate and despise anti-depressants.  I probably shouldn't, but I do anyway.  They are fabulous drugs, they help me climb out of the Pit Of Despair and feel vaguely normal.  Whatever that is.  However, I have had a couple of prescribers push me into taking them "forever", as a prophylactic measure.  This does not work out well for me.  After taking one for awhile, I get this strange sort of *click* in my head, where I know I'm done.  If I continue taking them for too long after that place, I get to another place, one where I have very few emotions at all.  I call it FLAT.  It's not numb, I know numb.  It's some other place, where I Just Don't Care About Anything.  It would be scary, if I was capable of feeling scared.  I guess it's intellectually scary.  To quote Leonard Nemoy, I Am Not Spock, because it's not like I'm any more logical than usual for me, I'm just emotionless.  Whatever it is, it is Not Good.

So, I will do this druggy thing, for maybe 6 months, until the click happens.  I have explained this to the internist, and I will explain it to the prescribing psychiatrist.  When I am done, I will take advice on how to taper off safely, but I will indeed stop.  That place of feeling so flat?  I'm not going there again.  Too dangerous.