And The Falling Off Thereof:
So, I got close to firing my counselor. Because things were going okay, not because she did anything wrong. But I've decided to not do that. I want instead to do some real work, to maybe deal with and/or fix some of the damn laziness or whatever it is that keeps me sitting on my hands. While reaching "no longer miserable" is excellent and a relief and all that, I should not settle for it.
If I waste my life not doing what I want to be doing, doing what I think I *should* be doing, waiting for Calgon to come and take me away, and not only give me my hearts desire, but divine it for me in the first place, I really and truly deserve what I get, which will be whatever random chance brings. (delayed run on sentence alert)
I don't know what, specifically, it is that I want out of life. I never have. I could always point at things and holler, "NOT THIS!", but that's about all. I have always presumed I'd know it when it happened. I wonder if I'm wrong about that. So, I have consumerist desires common to many. (mine are more on the travel end of the spectrum than the big house/new car end, but you know what I mean) I don't know what they mask. I suppose that I don't know who I am, if I don't know what I want.
Grumble.
